Breakups/Heartbreak

When You Have Lost The One You Love

When your heart aches and you long to see them, hear them, feel them, hold them.

When you feel like you can’t quite catch your breath.

When the thought of them never escapes you and as hard as you try, they are always on your mind.

When every hour of the day feels like a slow crawl.

When you are not sure what is going to happen and you feel lost and alone.

When you have lost the one you love, that love is never really lost, you are just in momentary limbo until the universe guides you to your next step. And if this love is meant for you, it will not be lost.

When you have lost the one you love the best thing you can do is:

  • Breathe: I find I hold my breath a lot of times in the midst of anxiety and the unknown.   Focus on your breathing and remind yourself in this time to breathe.
  • Trust: Where you are is where you need to be right now. There is something behind the scenes playing out that you are just not aware of yet. Everything will be okay and you will be okay. In fact, you will be more than okay when this all plays out.
  • Wait until tomorrow: When you look back on big life events, things can change drastically in a day. You can go from being in a relationship one day, to the next day being single. You can go from not being in a relationship one day, to the next, some amazing relationship unfolds. Great change can happen in the blink of an eye. When you feel like you have lost all hope, wait until tomorrow.

When you have lost the one you love, all is not lost. Love is never lost. You are actually involved in some miraculous plan to find yourself and where you’re truly meant to be. What that looks like yet? You are about to find out.

 

No One Is You And This Is Your True Power

Today, instead of comparing yourself to another, what if you focused on how amazing you are? You have your own unique journey to explore. When we compare and try and live our lives through someone else’s journey, we dim our own internal light.

No one is you and this is your true power.

When it comes to dating and heartbreak, it can be tempting to look at the person our ex is newly dating and think; what does she have that I don’t?

The answer is, nothing.

You’re not comparable. If he’s not with you, he’s not the one for you. She’s not better than you; he’s just not the right one for you. It’s not about her, and him being with her, doesn’t make you any less amazing.

No one is you and this is your true power.

You want someone who is going to choose you, for you. And remember, you choose them too. Why would you want someone who does not choose you back?

Obsessing over what she has that you don’t have only distracts you from how great you truly are. Think about it this way, she doesn’t have anything that you have, because you are uniquely you.

No one is you and this is your true power. You are most powerful, as you.

Don’t live a life trying to be anything other than your ultimate self. Don’t waste another day living a life that doesn’t speak to your true passion and who you really are. Instead of spending your time comparing yourself to others, work on spending time mastering your own internal love and journey.

You’re already enough, just as you are. This world is so lucky to have you, when you believe that, you’re unstoppable.

Post Breakup Strategies: You Only Have To Worry About Getting Through Today

I HATE that feeling post breakup when you wake up in the morning and for a split second, you’ve forgotten that you’re broken up and no longer going to see that person again. Then the memory of your recent breakup comes flooding back in and you’re in utter hell. It’s like the breakup has happened all over again and your heart feels as if it’s been ripped out of your chest. Why even bother getting out of bed? And some days I didn’t.

There tends to be a lot of pressure to move on immediately post breakup. Some of that pressure is pressure we place on ourselves to forget our ex and stop the horrible pain we’re experiencing. The other part of that pressure, is our friends and families not wanting to see us in that perpetual pain and encouraging us to move on as quickly as possible and get “back in the game.” Getting “back in the game” is the least of your worries right now.

One of the best and simplest strategies I have employed post breakup is to just worry about getting through that day. Sometimes that meant staying in bed if I needed to and having a movie day.

You ONLY have to worry about getting through today.

Thinking about what’s going to happen months ahead, a week ahead or even a day ahead can be overwhelming, resulting in you feeling paralyzed in bed, unable to even start your day at the thought of trying to handle this breakup.

You don’t need to figure it all out today. You ONLY have to worry about getting through today.

Post breakup, focus on what you can do today to make you feel as comfortable as possible. Maybe staying in bed, cozy in your pjs and watching movies is what you need to do today. What would distract you just enough to take some of that pain away today? What would make you laugh today? What is something fun or soothing you could do for yourself today? Who could you call today that could just “be” with you, no stipulations and no pressure?

When we start focusing on what we need to do, to just to get through today, some of the anxiety and overwhelming feelings start to dissipate. Focusing on getting through today is more manageable. You don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow right now. You just have to focus on what you need to do, to get you through today, as best you can. Whatever that may be, there is no judgment. Be as compassionate as you can with yourself during this time.

You WILL get through today and you WILL start feeling better.

All you need to worry about today is you and what will make you feel as comfortable as possible to get through this day.

Experiencing heartache? Contact me here.

Post Breakup Strategies: What To Do

Okay so you feel like you’ve lost your best friend. They might as well have died, because it’s as if they did.   Not being able to see them and talk to them anymore can feel like pure torture. You want to see them but at the same time the thought of running into them unexpected is horrifying, especially if it’s with someone else (let’s not even go there right now). You’re struggling to even get out of bed today and you don’t know where or how to start your day because everything feels different now. Your heart feels as if it’s been ripped out of your chest and you’re struggling to catch up and breathe.

First of all, breathe.

As much as it’s hard to comprehend post breakup, there’s a reason for everything and this pain and heartache will pass.

In the meantime, you may be asking; what can I do to alleviate some of this pain?

There are 4 Post Breakup Strategies I highly recommend for you to implement immediately.

Okay, try getting up and starting with #1:

  1. Remove any memorabilia from your sight (pictures, flowers etc.). This doesn’t mean you have to trash everything that reminds you of your ex. Do what feels right for you. If throwing out certain things that remind you of your ex doesn’t work for you, or you’re not ready, put anything that reminds you of your ex out of sight in a box or in a closet. It makes it even harder to get through the initial stage of a breakup if you’re constantly being reminded of your ex when you walk into a room. That brings me to my next breakup strategy.
  2. Change the energy of your rooms/Move your furniture around. This works surprisingly well and immediately! Change the position of the furniture so that again, when you walk into that room, it’s no longer an immediate reminder of your time with your ex. Create new energy to the room that is only yours. This could mean even repainting the room or buying some new furniture. Check out these feng shui your bedroom techniques here. 

Okay now to the even harder part.

  1. Delete your ex of your social media. There’s always a bit of controversy around this post breakup strategy. However, you’re broken up for a reason and most of the time that means you won’t be a part of each other’s lives anymore. As hard as that is to hear, even if you can be friends down the road, you can’t immediately be friends with your ex unless you’re both OK with seeing the other person date someone else, that’s likely not going to happen over night.

Contrary to most knee jerk responses to this advice, if you’re meant to be with this person in the long run, no amount of deleting will deter them from being with you. You 100% cannot mess it up with the right person. Repeat that to yourself.

Having your ex on your social media is like a heart attack waiting to happen. Again, you have both decided to go your separate ways for a reason, why would you still be privy to their personal lives on social media or even want them to see what you’re doing? Before you know it you’re posting passive aggressive posts about finding a REAL man or over the top “fun” photos of you and your friends while you flirt with other guys. It doesn’t really make sense and it’s frankly torture for you.  With social media, you don’t know what you’re going to see and when you see it, you don’t even know what’s really going on. It’s all interpretive.

Delete your ex of your social media. Create some space for you to heal. Having your ex on your social media only delays you from moving and can sometimes create further drama and animosity.

Again, if this person is meant to be in your life, it will come back around. Right now your number one focus is on you and your healing.

  1. The No Contact Rule/Ex Detox. The no contact rule is exactly as it reads, no contact. Post breakup, I recommend a 30-60 day period of no contact with your ex. Depending on your perceived level of seriousness of the relationship this time can vary.

What does no contact mean? No emailing, calling, texting or accidentally bumping into your ex.

The no contact rule creates a space for clarity for that relationship and breaks any perpetual cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Even if you’re thinking you want to get back together, take that initial 30 days of no contact to be clear on your feelings. Often times, after implementing your ex detox, you may find yourself wondering why you even went out with this person to begin with!

So what do you do while implementing the no contact rule? GET BUSY. Sometimes in relationships we get so caught up in the partnership, we lose our sense of self. This is a chance to get back to you and what you love. Enlist your friends to go on a fun trip, start a new exercise routine, ask to take on an extra work assignment, get that furry friend you always wanted. Anything that brings you joy in this time, do that!

Breakups are a true test of our love and faith. Trust what is happening to you and trust that this moment will pass. The pain cannot last forever and it certainly will not. Your job is to only get through today. Try not to worry or think too far ahead in the future right now. Focus on the immediate, tangible things that you can do today to bring you back to you and your happiness.

This moment will pass and you will be okay. Trust that.

It’s Not Your Job To Save Someone

I have had a pattern in the past of staying too long in some of my relationships with men. They say all the right things but are often incapable of fully opening up and being present.

Because I have the gift of seeing the good in everyone and their potential, it takes me a while to remove myself from these men’s lives. I have this inherent need to help them get to the next step, to state the obvious (well obvious for me) and assist in coaching them to meet their up most potential.

It never works. They either end up shutting down or running away.

What I have learned is; it is not my job to save them. It’s my job to insure I am doing MY work and getting to where I need to be. You cannot do the work someone else is meant to do. They will get there if/when they’re meant to. No amount of pushing or coaching will help get them where they need to be any sooner.

You can only be there to love and support them within your relationship. If that relationship falters and is no longer working for you, it’s time to let go (you will feel and know when you have had enough). The right person for you will come back around, if it’s meant to. If it does not come back around, it’s not meant for you.

It’s hard to see someone you care about struggle through a life event. All you want to do is be there for them and take that pain away. But that pain is there for a reason, to teach them a lesson and to get them where they need to be, in their own perfect time.

Learning to accept that each person has their own individual path and you cannot save them or speed up their own unique process, has been a huge eureka moment for me.

It’s not your job to save someone. Focus on yourself and getting to where you need to be, everyone that is meant to be in your life will meet you there.

 

 

Learning The Art Of Letting Go

Depositphotos_25288965_mI wish I could have taught my younger self the art of letting go sooner. It would have saved me a lot of stress and pain in my dating relationships.

One of the biggest lessons one can learn is that when something leaves your life it is meant to.

What I mean by this is, if it is meant to be in your life it will either stay or find it’s way back around again to you. What is meant to be in your life will find its way to you, in the perfect time. No amount of fighting, manipulation or holding on will make things happen any sooner than they’re meant to.

I used to kick up a fight literally when my relationships would end, holding on for dear life to these men. On the other side, sometimes I would stay in relationships that were not serving me, way past when they had fulfilled their purpose and lesson.

Then I started to embrace the art of letting go.

Holding on tight will not make things happen any sooner or make things better if they’re not meant to get better.

Let go and let what is meant to happen for you, happen.

The great thing about destiny is, there is a bigger plan. Once we can learn to let go of what is not serving us, we start moving through life a lot easier. When we fight what is meant for us and choose free will to hold onto relationships or things that have outlived us, we begin to feel depressed and unsatisfied. It literally provokes feelings in you in order to make you so feel uncomfortable, you have almost no choice but to move through the fear of the pain and let go.

But you always have the choice – hold on or let go and let what is meant for you come in.

Embracing the art of letting go has been truly liberating for me and scary at times. You never know exactly what is going to happen when you let go, but I promise you, letting go of the person or situation that is not serving you will only bring the right thing in.

Are you holding onto a relationship that is no longer serving you?

Do you feel like you’re meant to be somewhere else but are afraid of change?

Are you holding onto someone for dear life out of fear of them leaving you?

What is meant for you will stay or come back around.

What is not meant for you will always leave.

Let go.  Loosen your grip a bit and focus back on your love of yourself. 

Let what is meant for you come in, it always does.

 

 

 

Why You Can’t Mess It Up With The Right Guy (Video)

Worried you messed it up on that most recent date with a guy?  Scared you will not hear from him again?

In this video, I talk about why you can’t mess it up with the right guy!

 

 

Have a burning question you want me to address in my next video highlight?

Send me your question here!

Why I use Meditation As My Dating Superpower

I have struggled with anxiety my whole life, especially when I was faced with the early death of my father over 10 years ago.

The death of my father brought all my insecurities and deep hidden triggers to the forefront. I struggled with thoughts of all men inevitably leaving me and if it was my fault.

When things did not work out with some of the men I dated, I would go into a tailspin, often blaming myself first and looking for anything I did wrong in the relationship, moment by moment.

Plagued with feelings of self-doubt and perpetual anxiety, I felt paralyzed when I was going through a break-up or in an ambiguous time in a relationship.

Even if nothing was actually wrong, I would go to the worse case scenario in my head when I did not hear from a guy.

It was truly a horrible way to live and experience my dating relationships.

And then I discovered meditation.

I am by no means an expert when it comes to meditation. Meditation for me is an opportunity to bring me back into my body. When we over analyze, there is a tendency to get worked up, creating somewhat of an outer body experience that perpetuates the situation and can even make it seem worse than it actually is. The act of meditation for me is to bring me back into my body and out of my analytical head. Through meditation you’re able to quiet the over analytical brain and ground yourself.

Next time you’re overanalyzing if you’re going to hear from him, find yourself spinning out, questioning a recent break-up, crying uncontrollably or feeling sick with anxiety, try the following:

  1. Find a quiet spot to sit down or lie down (depending on your preference). I prefer to lay down on my bed but choose a nice, quiet, safe place where you will not be interrupted. Is there a time of day that feels better to do this? I prefer right before I go to sleep.
  2. Make sure your phone is on vibrate or off (no distractions).
  3. Close your eyes and just start by focusing on your breathing.
  4. Take deep, slow breaths into your belly, in and out. Essentially you want to breathe in until you can’t anymore and then slowly let it out, but don’t force it.
  5. When a thought comes into your head, acknowledge it and as best you can try to direct your attention back to your breathing. This can seem really hard at first, especially if you’re in a worried state but just keep bringing your thoughts back to your breath.
  6. How long should I meditate for? As long as you need. I try to stay in a meditative state for at least a half an hour but at first I could only do it for a few minutes at a time. There is no judgement here. Take as long as you need and do not be hard on yourself. There is no “exact right way” to meditate. Even a minute of this practice can help. What I have found with meditation is, it takes practice to get comfortable.
  7. When you’re ready to complete your meditation, notice how your body feels. Have you’re anxiety levels come down? What thoughts came up for you during this time? Acknowledge it all.

At first, meditation almost felt painful for me because I did not want to let go of my thoughts. It seemed impossible to quiet my brain but the more I kept up with my meditative practice, I began to relax into it.  I learned to let everything else go, even if it was only for those few minutes I could meditate.

I find through meditation things become a lot clearer for me. Situations I thought were stressful, no longer seem as stressful. We attach meaning to situations that are not always accurate when in a state of fear. Instead, just take a moment to breathe.

Meditation is a way of telling myself, “You’re OK and you will be OK.”

I could argue that I have many dating “superpowers” that have brought success in my dating life but this is one superpower I use especially when things appear unknown or stressful in my dating life.

Meditation is the true key to bring you back to you and back to self-love.

 

 

 

 

Why You Can’t Mess It Up With The Right Guy

I am going to tell you this right now, you absolutely can’t mess it up with the right guy.

I have,

  • Called a guy a thirty times one night when I was drunk;
  • Accidentally kissed a guys neck and missed his cheek because he was too tall!
  • Talked for an hour to a guy on a super hot patio, not realizing my makeup had run all over my eyes and I had taken on a goth look.

Yes this all happened.  I could go on, but for reputations sake let’s spare me the humiliation.

I bet you’re thinking these guys didn’t want to go out with me again, right? 100% they all went out with me again and everything was fine.

BUT if they didn’t go out with me again, I would trust that they were not the right guys for me.

You see, you can only be yourself. Sh*t happens and sometimes dates don’t go as planned or as perfect as we had hoped. What is truly important is how we handle the moments that could be otherwise awkward or embarrassing – or not “perfect.”

For example, after going to the bathroom and realizing I had intense, non planned goth eyes, I went back to the table and teased the hell out of my date about letting me go that long with melted makeup all over my face! It honestly broke the ice and we laughed about it.

It’s extremely easy to get caught up in your head after a date, wondering if you did anything wrong and if you’ll ever hear from him again.

The straight answer is – He’s not your guy if you don’t hear from him again.  You can’t mess it up with the right guy. 

We can spend hours going over every second of our last date together; what he said, what we said back, what we looked like, wondering if we came across right, wondering if we should have kissed him, if we did kiss him, was it too soon?  It’s all so overwhelming.

But what I am telling you is, none of that matters with the right guy. As “bad” as things may seem, you can’t mess it up with the right guy.

The right guy will see through the clumsiness, awkward moments and wardrobe malfunctions, he will see through it all and see you for you.

Don’t worry about “messing things up.” If things appear to be “messed up,” then this is not your guy.

4 Things He is Telling You When He Ignores You (Video)

Is the guy you’re dating ignoring you?

Not sure what’s going on or what to do?

In my Ask Sarah Wednesday’s video highlight, I talk about the 4 things he is telling you when he ignores you.

Even though you now know the 4 things he is telling you when he ignores you, it can still be maddening when he disappears.  If

Have a burning question you want me to address in my next video highlight?

Send me your question here!