Archive for break up

Learning The Art Of Letting Go

Depositphotos_25288965_mI wish I could have taught my younger self the art of letting go sooner. It would have saved me a lot of stress and pain in my dating relationships.

One of the biggest lessons one can learn is that when something leaves your life it is meant to.

What I mean by this is, if it is meant to be in your life it will either stay or find it’s way back around again to you. What is meant to be in your life will find its way to you, in the perfect time. No amount of fighting, manipulation or holding on will make things happen any sooner than they’re meant to.

I used to kick up a fight literally when my relationships would end, holding on for dear life to these men. On the other side, sometimes I would stay in relationships that were not serving me, way past when they had fulfilled their purpose and lesson.

Then I started to embrace the art of letting go.

Holding on tight will not make things happen any sooner or make things better if they’re not meant to get better.

Let go and let what is meant to happen for you, happen.

The great thing about destiny is, there is a bigger plan. Once we can learn to let go of what is not serving us, we start moving through life a lot easier. When we fight what is meant for us and choose free will to hold onto relationships or things that have outlived us, we begin to feel depressed and unsatisfied. It literally provokes feelings in you in order to make you so feel uncomfortable, you have almost no choice but to move through the fear of the pain and let go.

But you always have the choice – hold on or let go and let what is meant for you come in.

Embracing the art of letting go has been truly liberating for me and scary at times. You never know exactly what is going to happen when you let go, but I promise you, letting go of the person or situation that is not serving you will only bring the right thing in.

Are you holding onto a relationship that is no longer serving you?

Do you feel like you’re meant to be somewhere else but are afraid of change?

Are you holding onto someone for dear life out of fear of them leaving you?

What is meant for you will stay or come back around.

What is not meant for you will always leave.

Let go.  Loosen your grip a bit and focus back on your love of yourself. 

Let what is meant for you come in, it always does.




Cyber Stalking Your Ex? 3 Proven Ways To Help You Stop

are you cyber stalking your ex?
I honestly wish we lived in an age where you could break up with someone and they would go to the perpetual island where you would never have to hear or see them again.

It’s even harder to deal with breakups while being inundated by your ex’s social media platforms or worse seeking the information out.

We’ve all been guilty of it; you break up with a guy, you could even think you hate him but you’re so addicted to knowing what is going on with his life that you can’t help but check out that most recent Instagram post or see who he added on Facebook.

Cyber stalking your ex only leads to a lot of assumptions, assumptions that may not even be true!  Cyber stalking your ex delays you from moving forward, focusing on yourself and potentially making you available for someone who actually wants to step up and be in your life.

Next time you want to cyber stalk your ex keep the following in mind:

  • You’ll feel worse after you look. Do you really need that heart attack?
  • You don’t even know what is going on even if you do look (even if you think you know, you don’t).
  • It really doesn’t matter, it’s his loss for letting you go.

Instead of taking the cyber stalking route, try:

1.  Deleting/Blocking him  

It’s totally fine to delete or block your ex if his social media is causing you distress.  Don’t worry, if he really wants to be a part of your life, a minor deletion/blockage won’t stop him.

2.  Stay busy

Most people cyber stalk their ex when they’re bored or intoxicated.  Go out with friends, go to the gym, take a yoga class; whatever you need to do to refocus yourself in a positive direction.

3.  Make a promise to a friend

This may sound weird, but make a promise to a friend that you will not cyber stalk your ex.  Make the promise to someone who you know will call you out if you have a weak moment.  This is desperate measures time.

Trust me, you will feel a million times better if you follow these guidelines.  Why settle for scraps of information from someone who frankly is not convincing you they should be a part of your life?  Stop the cyber stalking and open yourself up to the possibility that there could be someone out there who won’t make you feel so insecure that you need to cyber stalk and interpret their social media.

He’s out there, I know it.

Break-up Strategies: Are you in love with the idea of him?

Are you in love with the idea of him?
Have you ever pined and agonized over a guy for weeks or even months when the relationship didn’t work out or for someone perhaps you barely even knew?

I read a post the other week on The Daily Love that talked about people being in love with the idea of the person or the idea of being in love, not necessarily the person themselves.

I can’t count how many times I fell hard for a person, only for it to crumble and found it excruciating to get over them.

Looking back on the end of some of my long-term relationships, I believe I made it harder on myself to get over the person because I would be concentrating on the good parts of the relationship and forgetting the true reasons why we broke up.  In some cases, I even tried to get the person back, regardless of the reasons that lead to the demise of the relationship.  In most respects, the rationale behind my thoughts and actions were from a place of love, I was in love with the idea of being in love.  Because I wanted to be in love so bad, I created this unrealistic view of the person I was with.

For those short-lived dating relationships, I saw a similar pattern come about in my life.  I would meet these guys who probably from the get-go where by no means right for me, but I would mold them in my head and in my life to fit what I wanted to believe.  I was creating a faulty connection.  This meant that sometimes I did not have that much in common with a guy or they met expectations of who I thought I should be with.  In the end, it never seemed right and eventually the relationship failed.  Often times I over stayed these relationships, long after they should have ended.

So how did I minimize the pining for the types of relationships that were not right for me?

In addition to focusing on activities that brought about feelings of self-love, I created a list of all the reasons why we broke up.  I would email this list to myself so that I had it on hand whenever I found myself faltering and starting to only think about the “good times.”  As much as I needed to, I would refer back to this list until I was in a place of clarity; where I could see the relationship for what it was.

I do believe when it comes to relationships you will find the person that is best suited for you.  But this won’t happen if you continue to settle or create relationships and connections that are not there.  You will be able to get over someone a lot faster and easier by accepting the relationship for what it was, not creating an idea in your head of what you wanted it to be.

Get out of those relationships that are not serving you and open yourself to true love so that it will no longer be an idea, thought or wish in your head, true love will be reality.

What are some of your break-up strategies to minimize the pining, obsessing and longing to revert back?