Okay so you feel like you’ve lost your best friend. They might as well have died, because it’s as if they did. Not being able to see them and talk to them anymore can feel like pure torture. You want to see them but at the same time the thought of running into them unexpected is horrifying, especially if it’s with someone else (let’s not even go there right now). You’re struggling to even get out of bed today and you don’t know where or how to start your day because everything feels different now. Your heart feels as if it’s been ripped out of your chest and you’re struggling to catch up and breathe.
First of all, breathe.
As much as it’s hard to comprehend post breakup, there’s a reason for everything and this pain and heartache will pass.
In the meantime, you may be asking; what can I do to alleviate some of this pain?
There are 4 Post Breakup Strategies I highly recommend for you to implement immediately.
Okay, try getting up and starting with #1:
- Remove any memorabilia from your sight (pictures, flowers etc.). This doesn’t mean you have to trash everything that reminds you of your ex. Do what feels right for you. If throwing out certain things that remind you of your ex doesn’t work for you, or you’re not ready, put anything that reminds you of your ex out of sight in a box or in a closet. It makes it even harder to get through the initial stage of a breakup if you’re constantly being reminded of your ex when you walk into a room. That brings me to my next breakup strategy.
- Change the energy of your rooms/Move your furniture around. This works surprisingly well and immediately! Change the position of the furniture so that again, when you walk into that room, it’s no longer an immediate reminder of your time with your ex. Create new energy to the room that is only yours. This could mean even repainting the room or buying some new furniture. Check out these feng shui your bedroom techniques here.
Okay now to the even harder part.
- Delete your ex of your social media. There’s always a bit of controversy around this post breakup strategy. However, you’re broken up for a reason and most of the time that means you won’t be a part of each other’s lives anymore. As hard as that is to hear, even if you can be friends down the road, you can’t immediately be friends with your ex unless you’re both OK with seeing the other person date someone else, that’s likely not going to happen over night.
Contrary to most knee jerk responses to this advice, if you’re meant to be with this person in the long run, no amount of deleting will deter them from being with you. You 100% cannot mess it up with the right person. Repeat that to yourself.
Having your ex on your social media is like a heart attack waiting to happen. Again, you have both decided to go your separate ways for a reason, why would you still be privy to their personal lives on social media or even want them to see what you’re doing? Before you know it you’re posting passive aggressive posts about finding a REAL man or over the top “fun” photos of you and your friends while you flirt with other guys. It doesn’t really make sense and it’s frankly torture for you. With social media, you don’t know what you’re going to see and when you see it, you don’t even know what’s really going on. It’s all interpretive.
Delete your ex of your social media. Create some space for you to heal. Having your ex on your social media only delays you from moving and can sometimes create further drama and animosity.
Again, if this person is meant to be in your life, it will come back around. Right now your number one focus is on you and your healing.
- The No Contact Rule/Ex Detox. The no contact rule is exactly as it reads, no contact. Post breakup, I recommend a 30-60 day period of no contact with your ex. Depending on your perceived level of seriousness of the relationship this time can vary.
What does no contact mean? No emailing, calling, texting or accidentally bumping into your ex.
The no contact rule creates a space for clarity for that relationship and breaks any perpetual cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Even if you’re thinking you want to get back together, take that initial 30 days of no contact to be clear on your feelings. Often times, after implementing your ex detox, you may find yourself wondering why you even went out with this person to begin with!
So what do you do while implementing the no contact rule? GET BUSY. Sometimes in relationships we get so caught up in the partnership, we lose our sense of self. This is a chance to get back to you and what you love. Enlist your friends to go on a fun trip, start a new exercise routine, ask to take on an extra work assignment, get that furry friend you always wanted. Anything that brings you joy in this time, do that!
Breakups are a true test of our love and faith. Trust what is happening to you and trust that this moment will pass. The pain cannot last forever and it certainly will not. Your job is to only get through today. Try not to worry or think too far ahead in the future right now. Focus on the immediate, tangible things that you can do today to bring you back to you and your happiness.
This moment will pass and you will be okay. Trust that.