Archive for dating disasters

How Going On Bad Dates Can In Fact Be Good For You

Posted 01/14/15 by Sarah Kotz and filed under:

Attractive young woman

I can’t even count on both hands how many bad dates I have been on in my dating career.

One guy in particular had pursued me at work.  He was attractive and nice and I was excited to get to know him better when we went out on that first date.  But from the moment we met at the pub that night I immediately knew he was not my guy.

The waitress had come over to greet us in the entranceway to take us to our seats, but instead my date had decided he was looking for a particular beer and wanted to try samples…in the entranceway.  I stood there awkward and frankly embarrassed, no drink in my hand, while my date tried the beer sample the waitress gave him.  You’d think we would eventually take a seat but no, he wanted to go to another bar to find this elusive beer and didn’t even pay for the samples he was trying.  We went next door to the next pub and the cycle continued.

I don’t even know why I didn’t say anything at the time, it may have been out of pure shock, but I just went with the flow, again not drinking and watching him take beer shots in the entrance of every pub on my block.

We finally got to the last pub down the street and I spoke up saying I wanted a drink too.  We sat down and talked for about an hour.  I had one beer and my date had ordered two or three by the time our bill came to the table.

Then to my horror, my dated padded his pockets and admitted he had forgot his wallet.  I only had just enough to pay the bill in my purse, literally counting out dimes to cover the tip.

To top it off, this guy couldn’t stop talking about what a great time he had had?

That was not the best date in history, that’s for sure.  This one was frankly PG in comparison to some of the other stories I could bring to the table.  But the point is, these bad dates that I went on humbled me and made me realize even more what I was looking for.

These guys were not bad guys, they just where not the guy for me.

Continually putting yourself out there is the best thing you can do.  Going on bad dates or any date for that matter is good practice.  It helps you learn more about yourself and what you’re looking for so that you’re ready when that right date comes along.

 

Questioning, Am I Good Enough? What If You’re Already Good Enough?

Charming young brunette.

I have myself questioned, Am I good enough? when a guy has decided to walk away from me, or simply ignored me.   I made the mistake of putting so much of my self-worth in another person, that I really was not sure at times that I was good enough when a guy decided not to be with me.  This caused me often to tailspin, brought about anxiety, overanalyzing and feelings of worthlessness.

Seems like a lot of power to give away to one-person right?  Because I put so much emphasis on this guy liking me, I temporarily lost sight of myself and who I was.  I lost the love for what made me special and unique.  I let this guy essentially decide for me that I was disposable which caused me to question, Am I good enough?

After spending more time with myself, learning about what brought passion into my life and what made me truly happy, I started to learn these feelings that were brought about by these broken relationships were really not about him, but me.  I needed to love myself first before I could truly recognize that I was already good enough.

I have dated guys before that actively pursued me, basically convinced me they were ready for a relationship, then pulled a houdini on me.  They would stop talking to me, ignore my calls when I tried to clarify what was going on and flat-out disappeared from my life out of the blue.

Now, instead of wasting my time overanalyzing the situation, I say, thank you.  I no longer question, Am I good enough?  I now know it. 

These men were just not the men I wanted or needed.  I am looking for someone who can communicate and be present.  Their choice to walk away had nothing to do with my actions or who I was as a person.

For the right man, you’re already way MORE than enough!  You’re the best!  You could be the prettiest, smartest, funniest woman in the world, but if this guy isn’t ready or isn’t the one for you, it doesn’t matter: he won’t want you!  But your looks, your smarts and everything about you, will be perfect for the right man.

I love this article by Eric Charles, “He Dumped Me But I Want Him Back.” Check it out for a guy’s perspective.