Archive for dating

Uncertain Times In Dating AND How To Handle The “Not Sure”

Knowing what to do when you don’t know what to do, can be extremely anxiety provoking, especially when it comes to the uncertain times in dating.

I have at times been in what I believed to be a perpetual black hole;

Not sure what was going to happen with “Him.”

Not sure what was going to happen in my career.

Not sure where I was meant to live, you get the point.

The times of “not sure” are times of great uncertainty and can be quite uncomfortable. The biggest test in these times is finding the strength to continue to move forward with life, to live life each day still not knowing exactly what is going to happen with the intention that soon, everything will come to light.

You see, you’re not always going to have the answers right when you want them. How you handle these uncertain times and especially the uncertain times in dating, can really determine your level of anxiety and the ability to live and function in the moment.

In times of “not sure,” there is a great opportunity to either explore or let go and let what is meant for you come to you in perfect time.

When you explore you’re still allowing what is meant for you to come in, it just means that if it feels right, communicate with him through these uncertain times and even ask for clarity. In your life, explore new career opportunities or talk to a mentor. Travel or take a road trip to different cities/towns that you have never been to before.

Sometimes you’re not going to have all the answers right away, even in the midst of exploration.

You’re not going to know, until you’re meant to know.

Fighting the “not sure” only creates even more anxiety and will not get you the answers you seek any sooner.

So as best you can, embrace this time of “not sure” and allow what is meant for you to come in when it’s meant to.

 

 

Why You Can’t Mess It Up With The Right Guy (Video)

Worried you messed it up on that most recent date with a guy?  Scared you will not hear from him again?

In this video, I talk about why you can’t mess it up with the right guy!

 

 

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What To Do When You Want Commitment From Him

During those ambiguous times in our dating relationships we don’t always get all the answers we want right away.

One of the biggest questions we struggle with is; will the relationship evolve into commitment?

As much as we can communicate with the person we’re dating, relationships need to evolve in their own time. Only time will really tell what will happen and generally guys take a bit longer than girls to feel comfortable enough to commit.

Panic is sometimes the most natural response in these times, along with the need to hold onto him for dear life. One thing is for certain, trying to control, predict and/or manipulate the situation to get the answers in your time, never works.

So what do you do when you want commitment from him?

Instead of resorting to panic, overanalyzing or forcing the situation to go your way, one of the best pieces of dating advice I ever received was:

Wait and See.

Before you panic, think of the worse case scenario or take the time to drive yourself crazy overanalyzing all the outcomes; adapt the “wait and see” attitude.

You don’t have all the answers yet and the fact that you don’t have all the answers yet, doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.

Whether you know it or not, the situation is always going your way. Everything that is happening to you is happening for you, we just don’t always have a grasp on the timing of everything.

If this is the right guy for you, it will happen.

If it doesn’t, he wasn’t the right guy.

You have two choices when you want commitment from him:

  1. Communicate

If you have an opportunity to communicate, communicate. It’s totally OK to tell someone how you feel. Communicate in a way that expresses how you feel but in a manner that doesn’t place any judgement or control over how the other person should feel in this moment. The right guy for you will be receptive to you communicating and not scared of your expression of your feelings or intentions.

After communicating the only thing you can really do is;

  1. Wait and See.

It is great to tell someone you like them and would like things to evolve into a relationship (if that is what you want), but then you need to leave it and see what happens.

At this point, you have done all you can do. If this is the right guy for you, he will make it happen.

In the “wait and see” period I am not talking about sitting there, paralyzed, waiting for this guy to decide he is ready for you.

Use this time to get to know him better if you’re newly dating, let things unfold organically. Enjoy this time with him.

On your own, focus on yourself and get busy. Your life does not stop because you don’t have all the answers yet.

Soon enough, you will have all the answers. Either this guy will make it clear he wants to be with you or it will become clear that he is not ready or doesn’t want this.

You ultimately decide how long this “wait and see” period goes but you will intuitively know when you have reached your max with the situation. At that point, you can either talk to this guy some more or choose to take yourself out of the situation.

With the right guy, you usually don’t reach this point. If he wants to make it happen with you, he will. It will happen organically.

Releasing control to the universe and adapting the “wait and see” mantra allows you to relax a bit and let the relationship unfold as it’s supposed to.

You want someone who wants to be with you because they chose to, not because you tried to influence or lay an ultimatum down.

Wait and see, you’re about to find out what will happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why You Can’t Mess It Up With The Right Guy

I am going to tell you this right now, you absolutely can’t mess it up with the right guy.

I have,

  • Called a guy a thirty times one night when I was drunk;
  • Accidentally kissed a guys neck and missed his cheek because he was too tall!
  • Talked for an hour to a guy on a super hot patio, not realizing my makeup had run all over my eyes and I had taken on a goth look.

Yes this all happened.  I could go on, but for reputations sake let’s spare me the humiliation.

I bet you’re thinking these guys didn’t want to go out with me again, right? 100% they all went out with me again and everything was fine.

BUT if they didn’t go out with me again, I would trust that they were not the right guys for me.

You see, you can only be yourself. Sh*t happens and sometimes dates don’t go as planned or as perfect as we had hoped. What is truly important is how we handle the moments that could be otherwise awkward or embarrassing – or not “perfect.”

For example, after going to the bathroom and realizing I had intense, non planned goth eyes, I went back to the table and teased the hell out of my date about letting me go that long with melted makeup all over my face! It honestly broke the ice and we laughed about it.

It’s extremely easy to get caught up in your head after a date, wondering if you did anything wrong and if you’ll ever hear from him again.

The straight answer is – He’s not your guy if you don’t hear from him again.  You can’t mess it up with the right guy. 

We can spend hours going over every second of our last date together; what he said, what we said back, what we looked like, wondering if we came across right, wondering if we should have kissed him, if we did kiss him, was it too soon?  It’s all so overwhelming.

But what I am telling you is, none of that matters with the right guy. As “bad” as things may seem, you can’t mess it up with the right guy.

The right guy will see through the clumsiness, awkward moments and wardrobe malfunctions, he will see through it all and see you for you.

Don’t worry about “messing things up.” If things appear to be “messed up,” then this is not your guy.

Sometimes, It’s Not All About You

Depositphotos_23340328_mSometimes, it’s not all about you.

One of the most anxiety provoking things we can do when things are not going well in our dating lives, is make it about us.

It becomes this perpetual cycle where the outcome of all our relationships is our fault. If you were good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, he would be with you, right?

Sometimes, it’s not all about you.

He may cheat on you because he has some sort of imbedded insecurities, is not ready for a relationship or you two are not meant to be together, not necessarily because you’re not good enough.

Your relationship may not have worked out because the timing was off or he wasn’t the right one, it’s not because you’re not good enough.

Dating and relationships are tough and take work, that is not under debate. It’s important to know what you bring to the table and be self-aware enough to know what you still have to work on. But when you put all the onus of the outcome of your relationships on your own head, it starts to plant seeds of insecurity and before you know it, you begin to believe that if you were good enough, he would be with you.

There are a lot of factors that are involved in if a relationship is successful or not, including, readiness and timing. Some of these factors you ultimately have no control over.

Dating takes two equal contributors and sometimes it really just comes down to those two contributors just were not right for each other.

Making everything about you creates a downward spiral of mistrust and insecurity in your mind.

All you can do is be yourself and put your best foot forward in your dating relationships. Be you.

If things don’t work out, talk about it with that person if you can, learn from it and move forward. If there are things you want to improve upon, do it but don’t make everything “bad” that happens to you, about you.

Sometimes, things fall apart and there is nothing we can do about it.

Dwelling and overanalyzing about what we could have done differently really takes away our freedom to move forward and love ourselves.

Sometimes, it’s really not all about you.

 

 

Dating Profile Tips: Why Your Dating Profile Is Not Getting The Results You Want (5 Ways To Change That)

Depositphotos_38328335_m It only takes a few seconds for someone to read over your dating profile and decide if they’re going to message you or not.

In those first few seconds it’s essential to have a concrete dating profile that not only captures your true, unique essence, but also pulls the guy in wanting to know more.

So why are you not getting the results you want from your dating profile?  There could be multiple reasons but let’s just look at a few dating profile tips that could highlight some area’s to improve upon.

1.  Your pictures are a turnoff

Let’s be real here, people look at pictures first. You have to have good pictures in order to appeal to a guy. What does this mean?

  • Get rid of the selfie overkill. One selfie is okay, as long as it’s tasteful but too many selfie’s airs on the comical side. One might question if you have any friends or a social life with too many selfie’s. Eliminate selfie overload. A selfie is OK as long as it’s clear, but if your profile is all selfie’s, or even worse all selfie’s with a slight difference but you took it all at the same time and in the same outfit – only post one of these.
  • Your pictures are out of date. Use clear and recent photos. Make sure your pictures are recent.
  • You only have one photo. Have more than one photo. Always have a couple of photos on your profile. When you have just one, it tends to make people think you have something to hide.

Think of it as a first impression.

With first impressions in mind, then why would you choose to put up a fuzzy photo or a group photo where you have not labeled yourself, creating a Where’s Waldo approach for your potential date? Label group photos and don’t use photos over a few years old. Use photos that are as recent as possible. If you don’t have recent photos, ask a friend to take a few of you next time you’re out.

Your photos should ultimately tell a story. Pick photos that are fun, show your humour and/or your hobbies.

2.  Your profile is WAY too long

One of my guy friends recently brought to my attention that because girls tend to be more on the conversational side (i.e. we like the details) they overload their profiles with a lot of verbiage, versus guys who tend to put the bare basics in their profile. The problem is guys don’t want to read a chapter book when they come to your profile.

  • Keep your profile brief.
  • Think of a few short sentences that will capture who you are and what some of your hobbies/interests are.

I typical use the list format, listing random facts about me. Here are some of mine:

  • Slight obsession with running outside and hot yoga
  • Kooky/fun personality, with a balanced introvert side
  • Writer
  • My family background is English/Polish
  • I can’t turn down a hot day on a patio with a cider
  • Not currently tied to one location. The world is my oyster
  • Look-alike wise I get compared to Hayden Panettiere
  • Love to contemplate the Universe and my place in it
  • I suck at snowboarding but would love to try again. I need a winter sport, help me.
  • I am applying for a Visa in the U.K. I recently travelled there and fell in love 

3.  Your profile is boring

People tend to use the same, generic verbiage when it comes to their profiles, i.e. I like hanging out with my friends and I love the beach. Use your humour where you can and/or be creative.  What makes you unique? Be specific.

Create a profile name/headline that stands out.

4.  You make too many demands

So many guys have told me that other girls tend to place too many demands on their profiles. Putting demands on your profile just creates a negative environment from the start. I realize you likely have had some bad dating experiences and are trying to be as clear as possible, but literally listing; don’t message me if you’re a cheater and don’t message me if you play games, is no way to start a conversation. You wouldn’t go up to someone at a bar or out in public and start rhyming off your “don’t” list, would you? Lay out a few guidelines in your preferences section of your profile and leave the rest up to organic interactions when you actually start talking to the person.

5.  You don’t pay enough attention to spelling or grammar

You’d be surprised how many people notice spelling mistakes or grammar when you’re only reading a couple of sentences on someone’s profile. This is your first and only chance to grab this person’s attention. Make it count. Take the time your profile deserves to put your best foot forward. That means using spell check and perhaps getting a friend to do a once over look of your profile.

 So now we’ve talked about what you’re doing wrong, lets recap the following dating profile tips to spice up your profile and make it standout!

  1. Clear/recent pictures: Eliminate selfie overload.
  2. Keep the profile brief: Think lists and key information about you.
  3. Use your humour where you can and be creative.  What makes you unique?
  4. Don’t make demands. Keep your profile positive.
  5. Use proper spelling/grammar. Spellcheck and ask a friend to review.  

I would also highly advise you to check out other girl’s profiles online. Look for repetitiveness. Always remember you want to stand out. Pick wording that isn’t necessarily on other people’s profiles and focus on what makes you uniquely you.

And ultimately be yourself. Don’t try and be someone you’re not. That means in your pictures and through your written profile. You want this person to be interested in you, not some online persona.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There Is A New Type Of Relationship. Find Out What That Is Here

Handsome man taking his girlfriend on bicycle rack

The way we experience relationships has changed drastically throughout the years.

My friend and mentor Charmayne Kilcup talks about the “New Energy Relationship” in her article, “The New Way to do Romantic Relationships.”

There are no rules in these type of partnerships.  Find out more here:  The New Way to do Romantic Relationships

 

Still Single? Why It May Not Be Your Time Yet

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There could be many reasons why you’re still single right now, some of which, may have nothing to do with you.

Has it ever occurred to you that your future partner may not be ready for you yet?

Timing is everything with dating and relationships and can be a huge determinant of whether your relationship will succeed or happen at all.

Being patient when you want a partner in your life so bad, can be hard at times.

But what if you could resort to faith and trust that it is only a matter of time before this person comes in?  What would you say to them?

I love the idea of writing to your future partner.  But also, if you could receive a letter from your future partner right now, what do you think they would say to you?

Check out this letter via The Huffington Post, A Letter From The Love You Haven’t Met Yet.

How To Tell If You Have Found Your Soulmate

Will He Call Me?Previously, I highlighted 2 lists that could help you remove any blocks you have to love in order to be ready for your soulmate to come in.  Click here for that post.

With that being said, how will you know when you meet your soulmate?  Will you recognize them?

Check out this article by Higher Perspective that outlines how to tell if you have found your soulmate:

20 Signs You Have Found Your Soul Mate.

Wondering Why You’re Still Single? This Could Be Why

Attractive young woman

Are you tired of dating?  Running out of reasons why you’re still single?

In the post Here Is What Could Be Delaying You From Finding A Partner, I talked about how the paradox of choice could be causing your single life to be extended.

Expanding on the topic of being single, Mark Manson speaks to why you may still be single in his article, 3 Simple Explanations For Why You’re Still Single.