Archive for how to get over a breakup

Worried Your Ex Is Dating Someone Else?

Studio fashion shot: two beautiful women (blonde and brunette) wearing dresses

Are you worried that your ex is dating someone else?  It’s easy to get stuck on the next girl your ex is going to date after you.  Maybe he’s even already dating her.  There is this need to find out who she is or if she even exists for that matter.  Often times, girls can become so obsessed with trying to find out if and who their ex is dating, they lose the momentum of getting over him.  Maybe it’s a coping technique for distracting you from feeling the inevitable and facing reality; you’re broken up.

Obsessing about the other woman and if your ex is dating someone else, only makes you feel worse.

I have been stuck worrying and overanalyzing; Is he dating someone else now?  Does he think she is better than me?  I can tell you 100%, half of the sh*t I made up in my head was never true and even if I did know who my ex was dating, it rarely worked out with the next girl and was a temporary fix.

I read an article recently when I was doing research for my post called “Decoding Male Behavior: How Guys Deal with Breakups” by Eric Charles.  In this article Eric talks about the fact the breakups are actually hard on guys.  Eric says But what about the guy that immediately gets into a new relationship right afterward?  This is a no-brainer – a guy does this because he doesn’t want to be alone and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.”  If he jumps into another relationship, he can still maintain his dose of external female validation and self-esteem. It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness. Guys need to work their internal issues out…”

 BUT even if the next girl was the love of his life, does it really matter?

You don’t want him.  Stop obsessing over if he is dating someone else.

Any guy that doesn’t want to be with you, you don’t want to be with him.  Frankly say thank-you to that girl for distracting him enough so that you could be open to meet the man of your dreams!

Forget the other woman, she does not mean anything to your life and your happiness.  Leave her and/or the idea of her behind with the man who clearly was not the one.

You’re too awesome to spend any more time and energy worrying another second about him or this “girl.”

 

Questioning, Am I Good Enough? What If You’re Already Good Enough?

Charming young brunette.

I have myself questioned, Am I good enough? when a guy has decided to walk away from me, or simply ignored me.   I made the mistake of putting so much of my self-worth in another person, that I really was not sure at times that I was good enough when a guy decided not to be with me.  This caused me often to tailspin, brought about anxiety, overanalyzing and feelings of worthlessness.

Seems like a lot of power to give away to one-person right?  Because I put so much emphasis on this guy liking me, I temporarily lost sight of myself and who I was.  I lost the love for what made me special and unique.  I let this guy essentially decide for me that I was disposable which caused me to question, Am I good enough?

After spending more time with myself, learning about what brought passion into my life and what made me truly happy, I started to learn these feelings that were brought about by these broken relationships were really not about him, but me.  I needed to love myself first before I could truly recognize that I was already good enough.

I have dated guys before that actively pursued me, basically convinced me they were ready for a relationship, then pulled a houdini on me.  They would stop talking to me, ignore my calls when I tried to clarify what was going on and flat-out disappeared from my life out of the blue.

Now, instead of wasting my time overanalyzing the situation, I say, thank you.  I no longer question, Am I good enough?  I now know it. 

These men were just not the men I wanted or needed.  I am looking for someone who can communicate and be present.  Their choice to walk away had nothing to do with my actions or who I was as a person.

For the right man, you’re already way MORE than enough!  You’re the best!  You could be the prettiest, smartest, funniest woman in the world, but if this guy isn’t ready or isn’t the one for you, it doesn’t matter: he won’t want you!  But your looks, your smarts and everything about you, will be perfect for the right man.

I love this article by Eric Charles, “He Dumped Me But I Want Him Back.” Check it out for a guy’s perspective.