Archive for learning to let go

It’s Not Your Job To Save Someone

I have had a pattern in the past of staying too long in some of my relationships with men. They say all the right things but are often incapable of fully opening up and being present.

Because I have the gift of seeing the good in everyone and their potential, it takes me a while to remove myself from these men’s lives. I have this inherent need to help them get to the next step, to state the obvious (well obvious for me) and assist in coaching them to meet their up most potential.

It never works. They either end up shutting down or running away.

What I have learned is; it is not my job to save them. It’s my job to insure I am doing MY work and getting to where I need to be. You cannot do the work someone else is meant to do. They will get there if/when they’re meant to. No amount of pushing or coaching will help get them where they need to be any sooner.

You can only be there to love and support them within your relationship. If that relationship falters and is no longer working for you, it’s time to let go (you will feel and know when you have had enough). The right person for you will come back around, if it’s meant to. If it does not come back around, it’s not meant for you.

It’s hard to see someone you care about struggle through a life event. All you want to do is be there for them and take that pain away. But that pain is there for a reason, to teach them a lesson and to get them where they need to be, in their own perfect time.

Learning to accept that each person has their own individual path and you cannot save them or speed up their own unique process, has been a huge eureka moment for me.

It’s not your job to save someone. Focus on yourself and getting to where you need to be, everyone that is meant to be in your life will meet you there.

 

 

Learning The Art Of Letting Go

Depositphotos_25288965_mI wish I could have taught my younger self the art of letting go sooner. It would have saved me a lot of stress and pain in my dating relationships.

One of the biggest lessons one can learn is that when something leaves your life it is meant to.

What I mean by this is, if it is meant to be in your life it will either stay or find it’s way back around again to you. What is meant to be in your life will find its way to you, in the perfect time. No amount of fighting, manipulation or holding on will make things happen any sooner than they’re meant to.

I used to kick up a fight literally when my relationships would end, holding on for dear life to these men. On the other side, sometimes I would stay in relationships that were not serving me, way past when they had fulfilled their purpose and lesson.

Then I started to embrace the art of letting go.

Holding on tight will not make things happen any sooner or make things better if they’re not meant to get better.

Let go and let what is meant to happen for you, happen.

The great thing about destiny is, there is a bigger plan. Once we can learn to let go of what is not serving us, we start moving through life a lot easier. When we fight what is meant for us and choose free will to hold onto relationships or things that have outlived us, we begin to feel depressed and unsatisfied. It literally provokes feelings in you in order to make you so feel uncomfortable, you have almost no choice but to move through the fear of the pain and let go.

But you always have the choice – hold on or let go and let what is meant for you come in.

Embracing the art of letting go has been truly liberating for me and scary at times. You never know exactly what is going to happen when you let go, but I promise you, letting go of the person or situation that is not serving you will only bring the right thing in.

Are you holding onto a relationship that is no longer serving you?

Do you feel like you’re meant to be somewhere else but are afraid of change?

Are you holding onto someone for dear life out of fear of them leaving you?

What is meant for you will stay or come back around.

What is not meant for you will always leave.

Let go.  Loosen your grip a bit and focus back on your love of yourself. 

Let what is meant for you come in, it always does.

 

 

 

Perfectionism and Dating Don’t Work

Female face before plastic surgery operation

In the perfectionist culture we live in today it’s hard not to be bombarded with thoughts of, “Am I good enough?” and “What will they think of me?”  Maybe some days you question, “Will he even like me for me?”

Our culture tries to convince us that through perfectionism we will attain true happiness and joy.  The culture further instills thoughts in our heads that if we are perfect enough, we’ll have no problems finding and keeping a great partner.

We are led to believe that,

  • If we were skinny enough/fit enough;
  • If we were smart enough;
  • If we made more money and were more successful, then we would be happier.

The sad part is, the list of perquisites for being perfect goes on and on.

Perfectionism and dating doesn’t work.  By incorporating the pursuit of perfectionism into our dating lives, we can derail our relationships before they even get started.

I am going to go out on a limb here, but despite our individual thoughts on perfection, perfection is boring.  It is not authentically you.  No one wants to date a robot; someone who cannot laugh at their own mistakes and freaks out at the slightest thing that “goes wrong”. Ultimately no one wants to date someone who takes life so seriously that it strips the joy and fun out of their lives and the lives of those that are in their proximity.

By pursuing perfection we often become obsessive and never satisfied, because in reality, what is perfect?  It’s all relative to the person.  We ruin amazing opportunities for great people to get to know the real, authentic person within, because we’re always striving to essentially be something that we’re not.

When we try to attain perfection, we always end up disappointed and feeling unworthy.

Now there is a difference between perfectionism and striving to be the best possible version of you.  Perfectionism is something that society has dictated as the way we’re meant to be and you subscribe to that belief and consequently take action to become that ultimate being.  On the other hand, striving to be the best possible you, means to me that, you feel generally:

  • Comfortable in your own body;
  • That you feel joy with the work that you do everyday;
  • That you feel successful;
  • And that you feel good enough, as you are.

The fact of the matter is, you will never be perfect but you can be perfectly you.

I am one person that has always struggled with a perfectionist mentality, always wanting to be the prettiest, funniest, smartest and most intelligent ideal version of myself.  It’s frankly exhausting and an existence that can be often times plagued with anxiety.

What I’ve learned is, by letting go of what people think or what I thought they were going to think of me, I became happier and more confident.  By letting go of the perfectionism and the need to appear perfect all the time, I could relax and really hone in on what really made me great, imperfections and all.  The act of letting go was a true expression of my own self-love.

You see, perfectionism and dating doesn’t work because no one is perfect.  By allowing ourselves to be seen for who we really are, we’re presented with an immense opportunity to find a partner who loves us for who we are, not some non-sustainable version of you.  But the best part is, by letting go and allowing ourselves to be seen, we begin to love ourselves whole-heartedly, no mask.