Archive for online dating

Dating Profile Tips: Why Your Dating Profile Is Not Getting The Results You Want (5 Ways To Change That)

Depositphotos_38328335_m It only takes a few seconds for someone to read over your dating profile and decide if they’re going to message you or not.

In those first few seconds it’s essential to have a concrete dating profile that not only captures your true, unique essence, but also pulls the guy in wanting to know more.

So why are you not getting the results you want from your dating profile?  There could be multiple reasons but let’s just look at a few dating profile tips that could highlight some area’s to improve upon.

1.  Your pictures are a turnoff

Let’s be real here, people look at pictures first. You have to have good pictures in order to appeal to a guy. What does this mean?

  • Get rid of the selfie overkill. One selfie is okay, as long as it’s tasteful but too many selfie’s airs on the comical side. One might question if you have any friends or a social life with too many selfie’s. Eliminate selfie overload. A selfie is OK as long as it’s clear, but if your profile is all selfie’s, or even worse all selfie’s with a slight difference but you took it all at the same time and in the same outfit – only post one of these.
  • Your pictures are out of date. Use clear and recent photos. Make sure your pictures are recent.
  • You only have one photo. Have more than one photo. Always have a couple of photos on your profile. When you have just one, it tends to make people think you have something to hide.

Think of it as a first impression.

With first impressions in mind, then why would you choose to put up a fuzzy photo or a group photo where you have not labeled yourself, creating a Where’s Waldo approach for your potential date? Label group photos and don’t use photos over a few years old. Use photos that are as recent as possible. If you don’t have recent photos, ask a friend to take a few of you next time you’re out.

Your photos should ultimately tell a story. Pick photos that are fun, show your humour and/or your hobbies.

2.  Your profile is WAY too long

One of my guy friends recently brought to my attention that because girls tend to be more on the conversational side (i.e. we like the details) they overload their profiles with a lot of verbiage, versus guys who tend to put the bare basics in their profile. The problem is guys don’t want to read a chapter book when they come to your profile.

  • Keep your profile brief.
  • Think of a few short sentences that will capture who you are and what some of your hobbies/interests are.

I typical use the list format, listing random facts about me. Here are some of mine:

  • Slight obsession with running outside and hot yoga
  • Kooky/fun personality, with a balanced introvert side
  • Writer
  • My family background is English/Polish
  • I can’t turn down a hot day on a patio with a cider
  • Not currently tied to one location. The world is my oyster
  • Look-alike wise I get compared to Hayden Panettiere
  • Love to contemplate the Universe and my place in it
  • I suck at snowboarding but would love to try again. I need a winter sport, help me.
  • I am applying for a Visa in the U.K. I recently travelled there and fell in love 

3.  Your profile is boring

People tend to use the same, generic verbiage when it comes to their profiles, i.e. I like hanging out with my friends and I love the beach. Use your humour where you can and/or be creative.  What makes you unique? Be specific.

Create a profile name/headline that stands out.

4.  You make too many demands

So many guys have told me that other girls tend to place too many demands on their profiles. Putting demands on your profile just creates a negative environment from the start. I realize you likely have had some bad dating experiences and are trying to be as clear as possible, but literally listing; don’t message me if you’re a cheater and don’t message me if you play games, is no way to start a conversation. You wouldn’t go up to someone at a bar or out in public and start rhyming off your “don’t” list, would you? Lay out a few guidelines in your preferences section of your profile and leave the rest up to organic interactions when you actually start talking to the person.

5.  You don’t pay enough attention to spelling or grammar

You’d be surprised how many people notice spelling mistakes or grammar when you’re only reading a couple of sentences on someone’s profile. This is your first and only chance to grab this person’s attention. Make it count. Take the time your profile deserves to put your best foot forward. That means using spell check and perhaps getting a friend to do a once over look of your profile.

 So now we’ve talked about what you’re doing wrong, lets recap the following dating profile tips to spice up your profile and make it standout!

  1. Clear/recent pictures: Eliminate selfie overload.
  2. Keep the profile brief: Think lists and key information about you.
  3. Use your humour where you can and be creative.  What makes you unique?
  4. Don’t make demands. Keep your profile positive.
  5. Use proper spelling/grammar. Spellcheck and ask a friend to review.  

I would also highly advise you to check out other girl’s profiles online. Look for repetitiveness. Always remember you want to stand out. Pick wording that isn’t necessarily on other people’s profiles and focus on what makes you uniquely you.

And ultimately be yourself. Don’t try and be someone you’re not. That means in your pictures and through your written profile. You want this person to be interested in you, not some online persona.








Online Dating And What Could Be Delaying You From Finding A Partner

worried teenager browsing the internet

Does online dating overwhelm you?  Do you jump from one first date to the next?  Do you worry that you’ll make a mistake by choosing the wrong person?

Recently, I watched a promotional show for the second television season of, Married At First Sight.  Now before you laugh, I was even surprised I got sucked into the show, entirely thinking it was going to be another typical reality dating program.  What I found interesting was the experts approach to relationships and their analysis of why it’s so hard these days to find the right partner.

The concept the experts continuously refer back to is, the paradox of choice.

Psychologist, Barry Schwartz first launched this concept in a 2005 Ted Talk.  Schwartz’s paradox of choice essentially says that too many choices can be all-consuming, often resulting in paralysis, loss of satisfaction and an escalation of expectations.

The paradox of choice really got me thinking about the downfalls of online dating and the correlation to the concept.

With online dating, the following tends to happen:

  1. People are treated as expendable

For some, it’s so easy to go online to find a date or even someone to have sex with.  Despite a date going well, if the progress of the relationship is going remotely slow, we have no hesitation about jumping ship because we know another candidate online can replace them. On the other side, we have so much choice, why narrow it down to one person, ever?

  1. The grass is always greener

It seems like it takes a lot to get someone off their dating profile these days.  We look for this glorified picture perfect person in our heads and never seem satisfied.  Consequentially, we can be over critical of those we meet in the process.  It can almost become addictive to sift through profiles.  The thought of missing out on someone “even better” can create a vicious cycle.

I mean look at all the choices you have.  You have your free pick of the perfect guy:

  • Sitting next to a drugged tiger;
  • Laying on his bed;
  • Shirtless and staring into the mirror;
  • Posed at the gym;
  • Blowing smoke into the camera;
  • Sticking his middle finger up;
  • And holding his penis;

Why look any further?

All jokes aside, there are also a ton of great men and women online dating that find it hard to find the right partner amidst thousands of dating profiles.  How does one choose at all with so many choices?  Is the idea that we could be missing out on something better hindering us from truly bonding with a great potential partner?  Does the fact that we have all these choices assist in fostering idealized pictures of a perfect partner in our heads?

To combat against the paradox of choice, it’s imperative to know what you’re looking for in a relationship and in a partner.  To organize your thoughts, write down a list of characteristics that are “must have’s” and “deal breakers” in a partner.  Also, make a list of what characteristics and attributes you bring to the relationship.

I believe there could be truth behind the struggles we endure via online dating based on the paradox of choice. Maybe we have such high expectations and too many choices, we do not see great partners for who they truly are and their ultimate compatibility with us.

With that being said, the spiritual side of me would say, the right thing will come, regardless of a surplus of choice.

…It just may take a bit longer.



ASK HIM: 5 Reasons Why The Guy You’re Dating Is Still Online Dating

Posted 02/06/15 by Sarah Kotz and filed under:

Attractive young handsome man, model of fashion in urban backgro

“Why is the guy I am dating still online dating?”

“We’re dating, but he still checks his online dating profile!”

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

Here are 5 reasons, from a male perspective, why the guy you’re dating may still be active on the online dating site where you met him.

1.  He is just looking for casual flings or one-nighter’s, no matter what he says.

2.  He thinks he might be able to do better, so he keeps looking online. I.e., He wants to keep his options open.

3.  He’s really bad at cheating discreetly.

4.  It’s too soon to go off the site. The relationship is not serious enough to delete his online dating profile yet. You can’t expect him to close up shop immediately, but if things are moving ahead and he still has it up, there’s a problem.

5.   He forgot to close his online dating account. This is the least likely option out of the five. Chances are it’s one of the other reasons.

A Women’s Perspective: Should You Send That Dick Pic (Adult Content)

Posted 01/20/15 by Sarah Kotz and filed under:


It’s almost a part of a girl’s online dating initiation to be sent multiple dick pics.  But why do guys do this?  Has there been some sort of universal dating communication that sending a dick pic is now the way to a woman’s heart?

Should you send that dick pic?

First of all, when a girl receives a dick pic it almost always has either a horror reaction or comical reaction, likely not in between.  This I am sure is not the reaction the guy was going for.  I once received a dick pic from a guy that thought it would be absolutely hilarious to send a photo, totally naked with a sock strapped onto his penis.  “I thought you would find it funny,” he said.   I’m thinking; how is that funny?  I don’t even know you, and why the sock?

There could be some girls who can appreciate the random dick pic, but most, do not want to be surprised by one.  A random penis shot out of the blue, equals not sexy.

Second, even if you’re going to attempt to send one, tidy that stuff up.

If you actually want to get to know a girl or you’re already interacting with a girl you like, you certainly are not going to woo her with your attempt at penis avant-garde art.

A dick pic is for those that you are:

1.  In a relationship with (i.e. she has already seen your penis – and likes it!)

2.  You have a mutual relationship, sexual of nature or other where this is agreed upon as OK.

Girls have to like the guy first.  If we don’t like the guy first, we certainly are not going to like the penis and definitely do not want to see it.

So, should you send that dick pic?  Let’s air on the side of NO unless you’re absolutely sure it’s going to be positively received.