Archive for pursuing your dream

Combating Self-Doubt In Relationships

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When someone you care about tries to tear you down, instil fear or self-doubt in your mind, whether that is a family member, friend or someone you’re dating, it can literally feel like a dagger to the heart.

We have all encountered those people who, no matter what, they just cannot seem to be happy for you.  Instead of words of encouragement they always seem to find things that are “wrong” with what you’re doing or saying.  They point out things that other people may not necessarily even think to notice or comment on.  It’s almost as if they want you to feel insecure so that you don’t succeed. Their actions and words are subtle.  Words of encouragement are quickly followed by phrases such as; Are you sure?  That is not how I would do it.  Maybe you should do (insert blank) instead.

These are the types of people who truly catch me off guard.  They are life leaches holding on for dear life, living in a place of fear wanting to suck everyone else in with them.  They don’t necessarily do it intentionally, but have you ever heard the term, “misery loves company?”

These are the people who don’t necessarily live for passion, success, growth and development, they live in fear and for comfort.  How people choose to live their lives is their own business as far as I am concerned.  It’s natural to be worried about someone you care about but to place self-doubt in another because it’s not how you would go about your life, is misguided.

Combating self-doubt in relationships, can be hard when the person you care about start’s picking away at who you are and the way you live your life. In my friends and family relationships I have encountered some fear and hesitation around the quitting of my corporate management job to pursue my writing and coaching career.  I suppose their reactions most of the time came from a place of fear of my well-being.  They wanted me to be okay and I was doing something that was in essence outside of the box, with no assured outcome.  Some even tried to convince me to stay at my job or to become anonymous in my writing endeavours, despite my steadfast desire to pursue my dream.

In my dating relationships I have been lucky enough to say I have only encountered two individuals that ever intentionally/unintentionally tore me down.  I remember one guy in particular trying to literally quiz me on anything and everything to watch me squirm when I did not get an answer right.  It could have been a math question or the location of a country on a map; it didn’t matter.  They were such obscure questions and he would do it in such a manner as to catch me off guard, by asking me out of the blue, in inopportune times.  He wanted to prove a point to me, he was smarter and I was not.  The less intelligent he thought I felt, the more inclined I would be willing to stay with him.  He wanted that control because of his own insecurities.

I quickly learned how insecure he was.  The act of him trying to break me down, really had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him and what he thought of himself.  He thought that the only way to keep me was for me to feel as insecure as he was.  Insecure people don’t leave.

When combating self-doubt in relationships, it’s important to understand that when someone expresses actions or words of self-doubt, belittling or fear towards you, it’s really not about you.  It’s not even necessarily how they actually feel about you or what you’re doing, it’s entirely all about them. 

How someone see’s themself really has an effect on how they approach the world and the people in their lives.  Those that live in a place of fear or insecurity tend to project that on others.  In my friends and family example, their response to me, is really coming from a place of love and fear.  However, in my dating example, this is an abusive and controlling approach.  It’s important to remove yourself from people’s live’s who use subtle (or not so subtle) manipulation techniques to provoke insecurity in you.

Instead of letting someone’s words or actions break you down or delay you from pursuing your dream, have compassion for them and continue to follow your gut.  Combating self-doubt in relationships requires you to be extremely selective of the people you keep in your circle and if they’re not adding value and positivity to your life, have the strength to walk away.

Believing in yourself and trusting your gut through these moments will ultimately help guide you.






How Pursuing Your Passion Can Bring About Immense Positive Change In Your Life

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Do you feel passionate about your life?  Are you pursuing your passion?  Are you in a career that you’re passionate about?  Does your job make you feel excited to go in everyday?  Does your job elicit the most creative person in you?

If you answered “No,” to even one of these questions you may want to explore further into what derives passion for you and if you’re in the right career.

I recently left an 8-year career in the human resources, corporate management sector.  I had the best benefits, enough money to live comfortably and had moved up fast.  But was I truly happy?  That was a hard question for me to answer for a long time.  Yes I was comfortable and content, but there was always this whisper of something else I could be doing; my writing and coaching.  Due to the nature of my job I did not have a lot of time or energy for my writing.  My creativity was stifled and I started to feel depressed.

Pursuing your passion is so very important to living a fulfilled life.

I’ve been writing literally since the time I could hold a pen.  I specifically remember writing chapter books in grades 7/8.  Despite this innate passion, I never could wrap my head around how I could make a career out of writing and live comfortably.  So I did what most people do; I chose the safe route.  It’s not that I was not interested in human resources, it just didn’t bring about the same passion my writing did.

So here we are.  I quit my job, no safety net.  It’s both scary and exhilarating all at the same time.  But you know what?  I know it is going to be OK because at the end of the day I can say I pursued my passion and gave it a try.

You know what is also true?  I’m happier because I’m doing something everyday that I am extremely passionate about.  I get excited everyday, I feel joy everyday and I finally feel that I can break free and be the creative being I was always meant to be.  Most of all, I have this immense desire to coach and speak about everything I’ve learned and are still learning through my dating and life journeys.  The bonus is, because I am truly happy and doing something I love, I can now enter a relationship feeling content and loving my life and myself, no longer seeking a guy for that missing link or void I may had been feeling before.

Don’t get me wrong, there are tough days when I’m not sure what the future holds and I doubt my abilities.  These days will happen.  The important part is to remember your dream and your passion.  There are no loser’s when you give it a try.  Everyday I get a bit closer to making my dream a reality.  Patience, perseverance and trust is key.

You may be thinking this can’t possibly work for everyone.  I’m not saying go and quit your job tomorrow, what I am saying is, it’s important to spend your days doing what you’re most passionate about.  If most of your day is not filled with something you love doing or are not passionate about, you may want to reflect on your inner most desires.

Is it possible to have increased success when you pursue a career that you’re passionate about?

Amy Rees Anderson, contributor for Forbes, speaks to this in an article “Does Being Passionate About the Work You Do Increase Your Chance of Success?”  Amy says, “I do believe that if you are truly passionate about the work you are doing, you will have the greatest chance of achieving financial success. I believe that when we are passionate about something we have more energy, we work much harder, we get more creative, we search more diligently for solutions when difficult problems arise, and we inspire others who work alongside us. Each of those elements helps to increase our chances of success. But above all else, I believe we are the happiest when we are pursuing our passions in life, and that is the very best kind of success.”

What is that passion that will drive you to be the best you can be?