Archive for self love

No One Is You And This Is Your True Power

Today, instead of comparing yourself to another, what if you focused on how amazing you are? You have your own unique journey to explore. When we compare and try and live our lives through someone else’s journey, we dim our own internal light.

No one is you and this is your true power.

When it comes to dating and heartbreak, it can be tempting to look at the person our ex is newly dating and think; what does she have that I don’t?

The answer is, nothing.

You’re not comparable. If he’s not with you, he’s not the one for you. She’s not better than you; he’s just not the right one for you. It’s not about her, and him being with her, doesn’t make you any less amazing.

No one is you and this is your true power.

You want someone who is going to choose you, for you. And remember, you choose them too. Why would you want someone who does not choose you back?

Obsessing over what she has that you don’t have only distracts you from how great you truly are. Think about it this way, she doesn’t have anything that you have, because you are uniquely you.

No one is you and this is your true power. You are most powerful, as you.

Don’t live a life trying to be anything other than your ultimate self. Don’t waste another day living a life that doesn’t speak to your true passion and who you really are. Instead of spending your time comparing yourself to others, work on spending time mastering your own internal love and journey.

You’re already enough, just as you are. This world is so lucky to have you, when you believe that, you’re unstoppable.

Are You Making Your Life About THE Relationship?

Do you live your life thinking everything will change once you have the relationship of your dreams in your life?

For certain, your life will change immensely when your partner comes into your life. Relationships are all about lessons and growth, helping us to meet our full potential.

But that person in reality is not going to be perfect themselves and will not be able to ascertain your life path for you.

You are responsible for your own happiness. You are responsible for doing the work needed to ensure you’re living your life to your up most potential.

If you didn’t love yourself before your partner came in, your self-love struggle will still exist beyond the relationship.

I have at times put so much emphasis on “the relationship” because I can energetically feel what it would be like to be with him. It’s like “the relationship” is the final destination you live your life for.

The anticipation before your partner comes in can be exciting and perplexing at times. There can be a lot of build up in your mind. There is a tendency to place more emphasis on the relationship coming to you, then anything else. You may have the idea that the relationship is the only thing to bring you ultimate happiness.

What I am starting to understand even with my person in my life, is that true happiness and love comes from within.

As much love as you hold with that person, you’re still tasked with following your own personal destiny, something that should be important to you to fulfill.

Putting yourself first and foremost can be scary because everything feels much safer in the mindset of “the relationship.” However, when we focus on ourselves, live our lives in love and in purpose, we in turn become better partners and better lovers.

When we love ourselves first, our lives are no longer about “the relationship,” our lives are about two loving souls sharing a partnership in life.

 

 

 

Do You Have Self-Love? Try These Self-love Exercise’s

It’s extremely hard to make anything work in your dating life when you don’t have self-love.

Placing pressure on someone else to fulfill the inner love that you do not have for yourself, can be a lot for a partner to handle. This pressure often results in the implosion of the relationship.

The journey to true self-love is a long one, a journey that is often tested with multiple detours and lessons along the way.

So how do you know if you have self-love to begin with? Let’s start with how you would answer the following questions in one of these two self-love exercises:

  • Do you feel like you lose yourself in your relationships?
  • Do you make the relationship all about the other person first and foremost?
  • When faced with a break-up do you feel like a piece of you is missing?
  • Do you always think your partner is going to leave you for someone better?
  • Do you feel devastated and paralyzed when you hear about someone not liking you?
  • Do believe yourself to be beautiful/handsome (by your own standards)?
  • Do you generally feel happy with your life?
  • Do you make time to take care of your mind and body (unique to each individual – i.e. yoga, gym, meditation etc.)?
  • Is it hard for you to believe when someone compliments you?
  • Do you believe in yourself?
  • Do you believe you’re loveable?

Take the time to really reflect on your answers to these questions. Remember, the journey to self-love is ever evolving, be gentle with yourself.

Next, try the following self-love exercise.

  1. First, write down all the characteristics you would want in your ultimate partner. These characteristics can be a combination of physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual – whatever you feel most drawn to.
  1. Next, write down all the characteristics YOU bring to a partnership.

I have found these self-love exercises to be extremely telling. You may find it harder to make the list of characteristics you bring to a partnership if you’re struggling with self-love. If you’re truly struggling, ask a friend to help you start populating the list. Sometimes outsiders can bring a fresh perspective to our over critical selves.

Self-care is an essential piece in maintaining self-love. When I talk about self-care, I am not just talking about hitting the gym, I’m talking about taking time out to recharge and relax. We spend so much time racing around in our lives, trying to please other people and meet the next big milestone, we don’t take the time out needed for ourselves. Even if it’s just a nice warm bath every night before you go to bed, take the time you need to love your mind and body.

It’s so important to know first and foremost you’re already good enough and no partner determines if you’re loveable or not.

All you can do is strive to be the best possible version of you every day.

When we love ourselves first, we more easily identify what is good or bad for our highest good.

When we immerse ourselves in self-love and self-care, the stresses and relationships that used to bring us to our knees, no longer seem as life critical.

 

4 Proven Qualities Of A Successful Dater

smiling blonde

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How you ever tried to make a relationship “fit” even though it continued to disappoint you? Have you tried to turn a guy into the “one” even though he was far from it? Are you crippled when someone rejects you?

The journey through dating can feel like torture sometimes.   A journey, that can be bring about feelings of fear, worry, anxiousness, panic and sometimes even obsession.  But what if you could diminish some of those horrible feelings and start to enjoy your dating life?

In Kathryn Alice’s article Dating Done DifferentlyKathryn endorses 4 qualities that can turn dating into a potentially enjoyable experience.  Whether you’re spiritual or not, it’s important to look at these qualities as fundamental dating qualities that can be applied universally, regardless of belief.

The 4 qualities of a successful dater are as follows:

1 – Faith  

Faith can mean many things to people, for the purpose of this article, faith to me means; trust. Trusting that the right person for you will come. When you trust in what is happening to you and have faith that you’ll meet the right person for you, you begin to relax and stop trying to force things to happen. There are so many people who settle for relationships due to lack of faith. Often times these relationships are created based on fear of loneliness. With faith, you no longer feel the pressure to settle for someone who is not compatible with you. Instead, you trust in yourself and that the type of relationship you want will come.

2 – Honouring 

Honouring is, accepting yourself and others for who they are.   Eliminate the need to project your characteristics of the “one” to try to mould your date into something they ‘re not. One of the best practices I have implemented in my dating life is honouring. It can be extremely difficult not to project the fact that you want the next person to come along to be the “one”, especially if you’ve been single for a while. It’s important to be present with each person you date and experience them, for who they are and not who you want them to be.

Be honest with your date. If you don’t see the relationship going forward, tell them. In turn, if someone tells you they’re not interested, trust their words. As much as I can, I am open, honest and clear with the men I date. If I am not interested, I do not leave them hanging or string them along. I communicate with these men, as I would want to be communicated with.

Whether it’s because of our lack of faith, depleted self-love or ego, we can get stuck on trying to convince someone to like us or even love us.   Pining and trying to convince someone to love you can distract you from being available to someone who is actually interested. Do not manipulate rejection to mean you’re not good enough. Rejection only means that the person was not the right fit for you.

3 – Self-love

A lot of people find the term “self-love” to be cliché but it is actually an essential part of successful dating. When you don’t love and respect yourself, disaster ensues in your dating relationships.   You often enter and stay in relationships that you would not otherwise have been a part of.

I was in a 5.5-year relationship a few years ago that was plagued with lying and deceit. The man I was dating at the time would break up with me at least once a year and use this time to have sex with and date as many girls as possible. Each time he would break up with me, my self-esteem would deplete so much that when he returned, I would always take him back. It took me a long time to regain my self-love and make the choice to break free from this toxic relationship. As a result, I was able to strengthen my self-love and my build my confidence back. When that happened, my life began to change and new positive relationships started to pop up.

Through self-love you trust yourself to create healthy boundaries and stick to them. Self-love also means that you love yourself enough to walk away when you’re not being loved or respected. When you have self-love you know that even through rejection, you’re still good enough.

4 – Patience

This is a hard one for most, even for me.  Accepting that now might not be the right timing for you and a relationship can be a hard to comprehend.  Watching your friends frolic in their love lives, even watching complete strangers kiss or hold hands in public can be painful at times and too much for those that are trying to exert patience. However, expressing impatience is not going to get your future partner to you any sooner.

Instead of resorting to panicking, throwing a fit or worse case, settling, take this time to focus on yourself. Explore things that make you happy and bring you joy. Use this time, to hone in on what makes you great. Focus on your career, take up a new hobby, and enjoy the time you have with your friends and your family.   Even use this time to date (if that’s what feels right). You can learn a lot about yourself just from dating and about the characteristics you’re looking for in a partner. When you adapt patience, you learn that you do not have to settle.

By adapting these qualities of a successful dater, your feelings of fear, worry, anxiousness, panic and obsession will start to diminish.  The fact that you’re not in a relationship will no longer seem as painful. You will begin to enjoy your dating experiences for what they are, while attracting potential partners that meet and/or exceed your expectations.

 

 

 

 

How To Manifest Your Soulmate: Use These 2 Lists To Remove Any Blocks You Have To Love

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Have you ever thought about what your ideal partner would be like?  Are you confident in what you would be bringing to the table when you do meet that partner?  Do you believe in soulmates?  If you could, would you want to know how to manifest your soulmate?

Kathryn Alice is a writer and teacher in the area of love and dating.  A friend of mine had actually met Kathryn two weeks before she met her soulmate and highly recommended Kathryn’s teachings. Whether you believe in soulmates or not, there is something to be said about the techniques Kathryn encourages her readers to undertake to manifest your soulmate and overall prepare yourself for the right partner to come in.

One article I read in particular was, Five Steps to Your Soulmate.  In this article, Kathryn reveals an exercise she uses in her workshops to help you manifest your soulmate.  The exercise helps to remove any blocks you have to love so that you can be open for your soulmate to come in.  For the purpose of this blog post I will not be going through all the steps but focusing on Step 3: MAKE TWO LISTS.

What I liked about this step in particular is it really challenges you to hone in on what you want in a partner and reflect inward on yourself and what you ultimately bring to the table.  It forces you to confront those relationships that did not work for you, in order to truly understand what characteristics are crucial for you when it comes to a partner.

The 2 lists Kathryn encourages singles to make are the following:

In list 1;

  • Create a list of characteristics your soulmate has. For example, is your ideal partner ambitious?  Funny?  Is he respectful?  Does he want kids?
  • Create a list of characteristics your soulmate doesn’t have. For example, Does he lie?  Does he hate dogs?  Does he not want kids?

Pretend this person is standing right in front of you, how would they treat you? What values do they have? What are your deal breakers?  The way you build this list is to look back at your past experiences with dating and relationships and re-evaluate what worked for you and what didn’t work for you.  Another way to help build your list is to take a look at those relationships you admire; what are some of the characteristics you would want in a partner that you see in others?

Creating this list helps you to truly manifest what your future partner would be like as if they were standing right in front of you today.

In list 2;

  • Create a list of what you bring to the partnership.

Making this list in particular will tell you a lot about yourself.  Are you confident in what you would be bringing to a partnership?  Making this list is a true expression of self-love because it provides an opportunity to talk about how great you are (which you are).  This can be hard for a lot of people.  If you run into difficulties, try writing down what you think your friends would say about you or get a friend to help.  It’s important to feel confident in what you bring to the table to ensure readiness for your soulmate to come in.

Participating in exercises such as this one is a great way to be clear on what you’re looking for in a partner and most importantly an amazing opportunity to get a pulse on how you feel about yourself.  As human beings we’re not always comfortable turning the focus inward, this is a great exercise to get comfortable with being vulnerable and loving towards yourself.

Perfectionism and Dating Don’t Work

Female face before plastic surgery operation

In the perfectionist culture we live in today it’s hard not to be bombarded with thoughts of, “Am I good enough?” and “What will they think of me?”  Maybe some days you question, “Will he even like me for me?”

Our culture tries to convince us that through perfectionism we will attain true happiness and joy.  The culture further instills thoughts in our heads that if we are perfect enough, we’ll have no problems finding and keeping a great partner.

We are led to believe that,

  • If we were skinny enough/fit enough;
  • If we were smart enough;
  • If we made more money and were more successful, then we would be happier.

The sad part is, the list of perquisites for being perfect goes on and on.

Perfectionism and dating doesn’t work.  By incorporating the pursuit of perfectionism into our dating lives, we can derail our relationships before they even get started.

I am going to go out on a limb here, but despite our individual thoughts on perfection, perfection is boring.  It is not authentically you.  No one wants to date a robot; someone who cannot laugh at their own mistakes and freaks out at the slightest thing that “goes wrong”. Ultimately no one wants to date someone who takes life so seriously that it strips the joy and fun out of their lives and the lives of those that are in their proximity.

By pursuing perfection we often become obsessive and never satisfied, because in reality, what is perfect?  It’s all relative to the person.  We ruin amazing opportunities for great people to get to know the real, authentic person within, because we’re always striving to essentially be something that we’re not.

When we try to attain perfection, we always end up disappointed and feeling unworthy.

Now there is a difference between perfectionism and striving to be the best possible version of you.  Perfectionism is something that society has dictated as the way we’re meant to be and you subscribe to that belief and consequently take action to become that ultimate being.  On the other hand, striving to be the best possible you, means to me that, you feel generally:

  • Comfortable in your own body;
  • That you feel joy with the work that you do everyday;
  • That you feel successful;
  • And that you feel good enough, as you are.

The fact of the matter is, you will never be perfect but you can be perfectly you.

I am one person that has always struggled with a perfectionist mentality, always wanting to be the prettiest, funniest, smartest and most intelligent ideal version of myself.  It’s frankly exhausting and an existence that can be often times plagued with anxiety.

What I’ve learned is, by letting go of what people think or what I thought they were going to think of me, I became happier and more confident.  By letting go of the perfectionism and the need to appear perfect all the time, I could relax and really hone in on what really made me great, imperfections and all.  The act of letting go was a true expression of my own self-love.

You see, perfectionism and dating doesn’t work because no one is perfect.  By allowing ourselves to be seen for who we really are, we’re presented with an immense opportunity to find a partner who loves us for who we are, not some non-sustainable version of you.  But the best part is, by letting go and allowing ourselves to be seen, we begin to love ourselves whole-heartedly, no mask.

 

 

 

 

Questioning, Am I Good Enough? What If You’re Already Good Enough?

Charming young brunette.

I have myself questioned, Am I good enough? when a guy has decided to walk away from me, or simply ignored me.   I made the mistake of putting so much of my self-worth in another person, that I really was not sure at times that I was good enough when a guy decided not to be with me.  This caused me often to tailspin, brought about anxiety, overanalyzing and feelings of worthlessness.

Seems like a lot of power to give away to one-person right?  Because I put so much emphasis on this guy liking me, I temporarily lost sight of myself and who I was.  I lost the love for what made me special and unique.  I let this guy essentially decide for me that I was disposable which caused me to question, Am I good enough?

After spending more time with myself, learning about what brought passion into my life and what made me truly happy, I started to learn these feelings that were brought about by these broken relationships were really not about him, but me.  I needed to love myself first before I could truly recognize that I was already good enough.

I have dated guys before that actively pursued me, basically convinced me they were ready for a relationship, then pulled a houdini on me.  They would stop talking to me, ignore my calls when I tried to clarify what was going on and flat-out disappeared from my life out of the blue.

Now, instead of wasting my time overanalyzing the situation, I say, thank you.  I no longer question, Am I good enough?  I now know it. 

These men were just not the men I wanted or needed.  I am looking for someone who can communicate and be present.  Their choice to walk away had nothing to do with my actions or who I was as a person.

For the right man, you’re already way MORE than enough!  You’re the best!  You could be the prettiest, smartest, funniest woman in the world, but if this guy isn’t ready or isn’t the one for you, it doesn’t matter: he won’t want you!  But your looks, your smarts and everything about you, will be perfect for the right man.

I love this article by Eric Charles, “He Dumped Me But I Want Him Back.” Check it out for a guy’s perspective.