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Post Breakup Strategies: You Only Have To Worry About Getting Through Today

I HATE that feeling post breakup when you wake up in the morning and for a split second, you’ve forgotten that you’re broken up and no longer going to see that person again. Then the memory of your recent breakup comes flooding back in and you’re in utter hell. It’s like the breakup has happened all over again and your heart feels as if it’s been ripped out of your chest. Why even bother getting out of bed? And some days I didn’t.

There tends to be a lot of pressure to move on immediately post breakup. Some of that pressure is pressure we place on ourselves to forget our ex and stop the horrible pain we’re experiencing. The other part of that pressure, is our friends and families not wanting to see us in that perpetual pain and encouraging us to move on as quickly as possible and get “back in the game.” Getting “back in the game” is the least of your worries right now.

One of the best and simplest strategies I have employed post breakup is to just worry about getting through that day. Sometimes that meant staying in bed if I needed to and having a movie day.

You ONLY have to worry about getting through today.

Thinking about what’s going to happen months ahead, a week ahead or even a day ahead can be overwhelming, resulting in you feeling paralyzed in bed, unable to even start your day at the thought of trying to handle this breakup.

You don’t need to figure it all out today. You ONLY have to worry about getting through today.

Post breakup, focus on what you can do today to make you feel as comfortable as possible. Maybe staying in bed, cozy in your pjs and watching movies is what you need to do today. What would distract you just enough to take some of that pain away today? What would make you laugh today? What is something fun or soothing you could do for yourself today? Who could you call today that could just “be” with you, no stipulations and no pressure?

When we start focusing on what we need to do, to just to get through today, some of the anxiety and overwhelming feelings start to dissipate. Focusing on getting through today is more manageable. You don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow right now. You just have to focus on what you need to do, to get you through today, as best you can. Whatever that may be, there is no judgment. Be as compassionate as you can with yourself during this time.

You WILL get through today and you WILL start feeling better.

All you need to worry about today is you and what will make you feel as comfortable as possible to get through this day.

Experiencing heartache? Contact me here.

Post Breakup Strategies: What To Do

Okay so you feel like you’ve lost your best friend. They might as well have died, because it’s as if they did.   Not being able to see them and talk to them anymore can feel like pure torture. You want to see them but at the same time the thought of running into them unexpected is horrifying, especially if it’s with someone else (let’s not even go there right now). You’re struggling to even get out of bed today and you don’t know where or how to start your day because everything feels different now. Your heart feels as if it’s been ripped out of your chest and you’re struggling to catch up and breathe.

First of all, breathe.

As much as it’s hard to comprehend post breakup, there’s a reason for everything and this pain and heartache will pass.

In the meantime, you may be asking; what can I do to alleviate some of this pain?

There are 4 Post Breakup Strategies I highly recommend for you to implement immediately.

Okay, try getting up and starting with #1:

  1. Remove any memorabilia from your sight (pictures, flowers etc.). This doesn’t mean you have to trash everything that reminds you of your ex. Do what feels right for you. If throwing out certain things that remind you of your ex doesn’t work for you, or you’re not ready, put anything that reminds you of your ex out of sight in a box or in a closet. It makes it even harder to get through the initial stage of a breakup if you’re constantly being reminded of your ex when you walk into a room. That brings me to my next breakup strategy.
  2. Change the energy of your rooms/Move your furniture around. This works surprisingly well and immediately! Change the position of the furniture so that again, when you walk into that room, it’s no longer an immediate reminder of your time with your ex. Create new energy to the room that is only yours. This could mean even repainting the room or buying some new furniture. Check out these feng shui your bedroom techniques here. 

Okay now to the even harder part.

  1. Delete your ex of your social media. There’s always a bit of controversy around this post breakup strategy. However, you’re broken up for a reason and most of the time that means you won’t be a part of each other’s lives anymore. As hard as that is to hear, even if you can be friends down the road, you can’t immediately be friends with your ex unless you’re both OK with seeing the other person date someone else, that’s likely not going to happen over night.

Contrary to most knee jerk responses to this advice, if you’re meant to be with this person in the long run, no amount of deleting will deter them from being with you. You 100% cannot mess it up with the right person. Repeat that to yourself.

Having your ex on your social media is like a heart attack waiting to happen. Again, you have both decided to go your separate ways for a reason, why would you still be privy to their personal lives on social media or even want them to see what you’re doing? Before you know it you’re posting passive aggressive posts about finding a REAL man or over the top “fun” photos of you and your friends while you flirt with other guys. It doesn’t really make sense and it’s frankly torture for you.  With social media, you don’t know what you’re going to see and when you see it, you don’t even know what’s really going on. It’s all interpretive.

Delete your ex of your social media. Create some space for you to heal. Having your ex on your social media only delays you from moving and can sometimes create further drama and animosity.

Again, if this person is meant to be in your life, it will come back around. Right now your number one focus is on you and your healing.

  1. The No Contact Rule/Ex Detox. The no contact rule is exactly as it reads, no contact. Post breakup, I recommend a 30-60 day period of no contact with your ex. Depending on your perceived level of seriousness of the relationship this time can vary.

What does no contact mean? No emailing, calling, texting or accidentally bumping into your ex.

The no contact rule creates a space for clarity for that relationship and breaks any perpetual cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Even if you’re thinking you want to get back together, take that initial 30 days of no contact to be clear on your feelings. Often times, after implementing your ex detox, you may find yourself wondering why you even went out with this person to begin with!

So what do you do while implementing the no contact rule? GET BUSY. Sometimes in relationships we get so caught up in the partnership, we lose our sense of self. This is a chance to get back to you and what you love. Enlist your friends to go on a fun trip, start a new exercise routine, ask to take on an extra work assignment, get that furry friend you always wanted. Anything that brings you joy in this time, do that!

Breakups are a true test of our love and faith. Trust what is happening to you and trust that this moment will pass. The pain cannot last forever and it certainly will not. Your job is to only get through today. Try not to worry or think too far ahead in the future right now. Focus on the immediate, tangible things that you can do today to bring you back to you and your happiness.

This moment will pass and you will be okay. Trust that.

It’s Not Your Job To Save Someone

I have had a pattern in the past of staying too long in some of my relationships with men. They say all the right things but are often incapable of fully opening up and being present.

Because I have the gift of seeing the good in everyone and their potential, it takes me a while to remove myself from these men’s lives. I have this inherent need to help them get to the next step, to state the obvious (well obvious for me) and assist in coaching them to meet their up most potential.

It never works. They either end up shutting down or running away.

What I have learned is; it is not my job to save them. It’s my job to insure I am doing MY work and getting to where I need to be. You cannot do the work someone else is meant to do. They will get there if/when they’re meant to. No amount of pushing or coaching will help get them where they need to be any sooner.

You can only be there to love and support them within your relationship. If that relationship falters and is no longer working for you, it’s time to let go (you will feel and know when you have had enough). The right person for you will come back around, if it’s meant to. If it does not come back around, it’s not meant for you.

It’s hard to see someone you care about struggle through a life event. All you want to do is be there for them and take that pain away. But that pain is there for a reason, to teach them a lesson and to get them where they need to be, in their own perfect time.

Learning to accept that each person has their own individual path and you cannot save them or speed up their own unique process, has been a huge eureka moment for me.

It’s not your job to save someone. Focus on yourself and getting to where you need to be, everyone that is meant to be in your life will meet you there.

 

 

Why You Can’t Mess It Up With The Right Guy (Video)

Worried you messed it up on that most recent date with a guy?  Scared you will not hear from him again?

In this video, I talk about why you can’t mess it up with the right guy!

 

 

Have a burning question you want me to address in my next video highlight?

Send me your question here!

Why You Can’t Mess It Up With The Right Guy

I am going to tell you this right now, you absolutely can’t mess it up with the right guy.

I have,

  • Called a guy a thirty times one night when I was drunk;
  • Accidentally kissed a guys neck and missed his cheek because he was too tall!
  • Talked for an hour to a guy on a super hot patio, not realizing my makeup had run all over my eyes and I had taken on a goth look.

Yes this all happened.  I could go on, but for reputations sake let’s spare me the humiliation.

I bet you’re thinking these guys didn’t want to go out with me again, right? 100% they all went out with me again and everything was fine.

BUT if they didn’t go out with me again, I would trust that they were not the right guys for me.

You see, you can only be yourself. Sh*t happens and sometimes dates don’t go as planned or as perfect as we had hoped. What is truly important is how we handle the moments that could be otherwise awkward or embarrassing – or not “perfect.”

For example, after going to the bathroom and realizing I had intense, non planned goth eyes, I went back to the table and teased the hell out of my date about letting me go that long with melted makeup all over my face! It honestly broke the ice and we laughed about it.

It’s extremely easy to get caught up in your head after a date, wondering if you did anything wrong and if you’ll ever hear from him again.

The straight answer is – He’s not your guy if you don’t hear from him again.  You can’t mess it up with the right guy. 

We can spend hours going over every second of our last date together; what he said, what we said back, what we looked like, wondering if we came across right, wondering if we should have kissed him, if we did kiss him, was it too soon?  It’s all so overwhelming.

But what I am telling you is, none of that matters with the right guy. As “bad” as things may seem, you can’t mess it up with the right guy.

The right guy will see through the clumsiness, awkward moments and wardrobe malfunctions, he will see through it all and see you for you.

Don’t worry about “messing things up.” If things appear to be “messed up,” then this is not your guy.

4 Things He is Telling You When He Ignores You (Video)

Is the guy you’re dating ignoring you?

Not sure what’s going on or what to do?

In my Ask Sarah Wednesday’s video highlight, I talk about the 4 things he is telling you when he ignores you.

Even though you now know the 4 things he is telling you when he ignores you, it can still be maddening when he disappears.  If

Have a burning question you want me to address in my next video highlight?

Send me your question here!

 

Sometimes, It’s Not All About You

Depositphotos_23340328_mSometimes, it’s not all about you.

One of the most anxiety provoking things we can do when things are not going well in our dating lives, is make it about us.

It becomes this perpetual cycle where the outcome of all our relationships is our fault. If you were good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, he would be with you, right?

Sometimes, it’s not all about you.

He may cheat on you because he has some sort of imbedded insecurities, is not ready for a relationship or you two are not meant to be together, not necessarily because you’re not good enough.

Your relationship may not have worked out because the timing was off or he wasn’t the right one, it’s not because you’re not good enough.

Dating and relationships are tough and take work, that is not under debate. It’s important to know what you bring to the table and be self-aware enough to know what you still have to work on. But when you put all the onus of the outcome of your relationships on your own head, it starts to plant seeds of insecurity and before you know it, you begin to believe that if you were good enough, he would be with you.

There are a lot of factors that are involved in if a relationship is successful or not, including, readiness and timing. Some of these factors you ultimately have no control over.

Dating takes two equal contributors and sometimes it really just comes down to those two contributors just were not right for each other.

Making everything about you creates a downward spiral of mistrust and insecurity in your mind.

All you can do is be yourself and put your best foot forward in your dating relationships. Be you.

If things don’t work out, talk about it with that person if you can, learn from it and move forward. If there are things you want to improve upon, do it but don’t make everything “bad” that happens to you, about you.

Sometimes, things fall apart and there is nothing we can do about it.

Dwelling and overanalyzing about what we could have done differently really takes away our freedom to move forward and love ourselves.

Sometimes, it’s really not all about you.

 

 

Feeling Panicked About Him? Try This Meditation Technique

Young pretty womanWhen things appear to not be going our way, the natural reaction is to panic.

Panic results in feelings of fear, anxiety, perpetuates overanalyzing and sometimes results in rash decision making.

Charmayne Kilcup speaks to one meditation technique that can assist to minimize the panicking feelings that often come about through daily life and change.

This meditation technique provides an environment for you to connect with your future self and bring in feelings of peace and safety with your current situation.

To try this meditation technique, CLICK HERE. 

Remember, everything happens for you, you just may not know the reason for it yet.

Still Cyberstalking Your Ex? Why He’s Not Cyberstalking Your Facebook

 

are you cyber stalking your ex?In a previous post titled, Cyberstalking Your Ex?  3 Proven Ways To Help You Stop, I talked about the downfalls of cyberstalking your ex and suggested 3 ways to overcome the impulse to check his social media everyday.

Wondering why he always seems to get over you faster?

Here is a continuation of why creeping on your ex is not healthy by Elephant Journal, Why Your Ex Is Getting Over You Faster.

What It Means When The Guy You’re Dating Ignores You

Upset woman holding her head next to her partner

It’s a huge red flag when the guy you’re dating ignores you.

It has happened to us all at some point.  Whether you believe the silence to be provoked or not, no one deserves to be ignored.  It’s unnecessary.

Instead of really re-evaluating the relationship for what it is and the actions of the guy we care for; we often go into rescue mode and try to make things better.  Panic then ensues and we’re holding onto the guy for dear life instead of taking a moment to reflect on what we really want. We may even chase, cyberstalk, cry out for the attention of this guy, but why?  We grasp on as tight as possible, reaching out for answers.

But you have your answer.

If he is still not willing to clarify and speak with you, you have all the information you need.

When the guy you’re dating ignores you, it tells you all, or at least one of the following:

  • He’s not mature
  • He’s not ready for a relationship
  • He doesn’t know how to communicate
  • He doesn’t care enough about the relationship

Instead of overanalyzing the situation, trust what is happening to you.  You’re being given all this information about this guy just from his silence.

The best advice I can give you when the guy you’re dating ignores you is to take this time of silence to focus on yourself.  Do things that really make you happy.  Ask yourself; do you really want to be with someone who can’t even properly communicate with you about how he is feeling or lack there of?

Instead of focusing on the negative of the situation and looking for validation from this guy, say thank-you.  In this moment of silence you have learned so much about him.

At this point, you really only have one choice and that is to let go and allow what is meant for you to come in.  It could be that this guy comes back around when he is ready or that by you letting go, someone even better steps in.

For more information on what I call “The Houdini Man,” CLICK HERE!